It’s Okay to Lose Sometimes

It’s Okay to Lose Sometimes

It hurts to lose… Doesn’t it?

Sometimes you work at something so hard only to fail, fall, or break. What if you work at something for years? Hoping and praying all the way.

Maybe you did all the right things… had faith, carried hope, walked upright, and helped others when you could- not even expecting anything in return, but still hoping that something in your life would go right.

But then… it doesn’t. You fail, or something fails you. Perhaps the one thing you wanted to happen, doesn’t, or vice-versa. Your world comes to a stop and you’re left in the dark, dealing with all the consequences of something you might have never even be able to control.

And then it hurts even more, when you look up and see that all of time has moved on without you. You’ve been sitting in the dark, dealing with the immense loss and pain, and the hurt becomes worse when you see all of life moving on without you.

Time keeps moving, and life goes on.

I always wanted children. I always wanted to have that little person looking up at me and to hear them tell me they love me. I wanted to be the one that shows them how loved they are, to give them the world when I could, and be the one that watches them grow up. I wanted to walk with them through the years and say,

“They’re just like me, they’re just like them… I see this feature and that feature.”

I wanted to help them run. I wanted to pick them up when they’re tired… I wanted to sit with them when they cried and cry so much harder.

After 9 years of trying… I can say that I failed to have children.
It’s been something I’ve desperately been trying to come to terms with.

There is a story in the Bible of a boy named Joseph who received a coat of many colors.

I compare this coat to hope.

One day, his brothers tore his coat from him and threw him into a pit.

Genesis 37: 23-24
23 And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stript Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colors that was on him; 24and they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it.

How often, I wonder, has our hope been torn from us? I wonder how many times I, myself, have felt so alone or so depressed from having prayers go unanswered.

Joseph was eventually taken out of the pit and sold by his brothers into slavery; he was then given to an Egyptian.
As Joseph served the Egyptian, the Lord blessed him still.
However, the Egyptian’s wife tempted him, and although Joseph remained upright and didn’t fall, he was thrown in prison.

Genesis 39: 23
20 And Joseph's master took him, and put him into the prison, a place where the king's prisoners were bound: and he was there in the prison.

How many times have things in our lives gone wrong, one after another, seemingly all at once? How many times, while we’re still picking up the pieces of our brokenness, has life destroyed us again and again? Perhaps you scream out to God, why?! Where are you? Do you even see me?

Or… Maybe, we quietly walk away from Him; still believing, but yet giving Him the cold shoulder. Quietly praying less… Silently reading less… Carefully hardening our heart to His presence.

Perhaps you are there, and you have forgotten His touch and His voice. Perhaps you are reading this and haven’t felt His presence at all, or it has been a very long time.

Sometimes we forget that the Lord is always there, even in our trouble, blessing us in other ways we cannot comprehend. Sometimes, when the world has forgotten us, we forget the Lord… But we must remind ourselves that the Lord has not forgotten us.

God blessed Joseph even still while he was in the prison for at least 2 years. Soon the Pharaoh found out about Joseph’s gift to interpret dreams, and he brought him out of the prison. Even more, the Pharaoh made him a lord of the land, and he was blessed abundantly.

Genesis 41: 39-41
39 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, Forasmuch as God hath shewed thee all this, there is none so discreet and wise as thou art: 40 thou shalt be over my house, and according unto thy word shall all my people be ruled: only in the throne will I be greater than thou. 41 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, See, I have set thee over all the land of Egypt.

Much has happened in my life. Many things that have happened have crippled me in more ways than one. My health, especially at the age of 18, became one of the worst detriments I have ever had to deal with. So much has been affected by it and I lost hope over and over and over. My own body made me a prisoner, and although my depression was getting better late last year, I sank again when I realized I was not meant to have children of my own.

I became blinded to my other blessings, until this year.

Deuteronomy 30:3
3 that the LORD your God will bring you back from captivity, and have compassion on you, and gather you again from all the nations where the LORD your God has scattered you.

Even though I can’t have children, I am so glad to be the godparent to my best friends’ children. Even though, because of my disabilities, I cannot work, I am so glad I have found purpose through this blog and other things. Even though I have dealt with depression, PTSD, and chronic loneliness, I am not alone; I am glad for God, my husband, my family, and my friends.

When Joseph’s brothers apologized to him, after their father’s death, Joseph showed them mercy.

Genesis 50:20
20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

I am here to tell you and assure you, you are not alone. The Lord is there, quietly helping to pick up the pieces of your life and lost hope. If you think your life is over because you can’t see how things are going to get better, don’t give up. Keep fighting and running the race until the very end. Your life and your purpose here on Earth is not done and over with. Your story, until your very last breath, is still being written.

It’s okay to lose sometimes, because the Lord is preparing you for so much more.

2 Corinthians 4:16
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.