Just a Thought

Just a Thought - By: Brieanna Elmore - "To begin again, wouldn't that be wonderful" She smiled, wistfully.

I’m sure we’ve all had that creeping thought that sits with us at night.

To begin again, to start over. Sometimes it’s as easy as throwing out an entire pan of freshly baked brownies you’ve forgotten to add sugar to. Sometimes it’s much harder, such as saying you’re sorry.. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is to start a new routine, such as setting the phone to the side and actually sleeping at night! Sometimes the only right thing to do, the hardest thing to do, is to forgive those who hurt you terribly.

Life gives us certain choices that come with both negatives and positives. To eat my leftovers at 8PM and deal with the heartburn, or save the deliciousness for breakfast and starve tonight? (Not really of course! Haha!) Sometimes, choices between right and wrong come up. To just move on living my life comfortably with the people I love, or try and mend the past despite the possibility of breaking my heart? I used to believe rights and wrongs were completely black and white. However, as I’ve gotten older, I tend to drift into the gray area of uncomfortableness. In years past, I would have done anything just to keep the peace in my life. Now, I’m braver and possibly more daring, so I will put my heart out there in front of everything and everyone.

To begin again, to mend the past, to heal the brokenness instead of ignoring it: I’ve dealt with a lot of that lately. I’ve been feeling really good these past couple of months. It feels like my mind is clear and my eyes are open. I can’t really express it, but… when you have depression and PTSD, it’s like standing in a fog. The devil tricks your mind into a blaming game where you are always the loser. Any negative influence that comes into your life, no matter how trivial, just walks in and breaks you. The fog is so deep and so dense, so the only person you really see to blame on your troubles is you! You become your own worst enemy.

I hated myself for so long. There was no other option. At a young age, it was deeply ingrained in my heart and mind that everyone else is more important than me. However, in recent time, I was finally able to break out of that cycle with the merciful healing of Jesus.

When you are hurt so incredibly deeply, all you want and crave is an apology. If you could just hear those words, you can go on with your life. You can be happy, you can be free, you can move on. Well, sometimes, you may never get to hear those words. The fact you don’t hear them maybe even hurts you worse. It may take you years to come to terms with the fact that sorry just isn’t coming. Once you realize that, then it may take you several more years to answer several other questions: Is the relationship worth my time? Is it worth the heartache it may cause again? Is your life better with or without it? Is it the right thing to start over with this person, and if so, what do you need to do to fix the relationship? For me, I felt like it was the right thing to do. I felt a deep and spiritual calling to put the past aside and open myself up by saying I’m sorry. Did I want to? Not really. It would be easy not to. Did I need to? No, but in a way, absolutely, and I have no regrets that I did.

I know in my heart, there are people in this world not being able to move on with life, because they’re waiting for an apology. I’ve been there! For years, I’ve been there; it affects you and everyone around you so deeply.

Sometimes, it’s the right thing, or maybe the best thing, to let love win. To look into the face of heartbreak and say “I love you, and I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”

Anyway, it’s just a thought~

My hope and prayer for you is that the brokenness in your own life is healed. I pray that the wrongs are put right, and that you have the courage in your heart to do what may be unexpected, if what you expected never comes.

Philippians 2:1-4

2 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.